All week, everywhere I turn it seems that I have been faced with some version of STOP being invisible. It has been everywhere. From posts that I see on Facebook… and then it was said to me by the oral surgeon… then again in my Chicks in Charge luncheon talk. Again, by my girl crush Gina Hatzis… posts on Instagram… and then this morning on LinkedIn via a TedTalk….
Its everywhere this week, and with that I know that the Universe is telling me something.
Stop SHRINKING and making yourself INVISIBLE!
I made a post in Artistry of Light yesterday that simply said “Stop hurting yourself over and over the same ways”. I know there was a longer post and explanation, I just couldn’t’t find the words right then. I knew they would come, just didn’t know that the words would have to do with all of those not so subtle digital pokes I was receiving from the Universe via social media.
Here is the thing, I have made a really awful habit of making myself invisible when things get hard or uncomfortable. When I am afraid of something BIG happening in my life, I don’t necessarily “fail” I just escape into my safety net of being invisible. Its a very unhealthy coping mechanism I have had since I was younger then I can pinpoint an age of. Its just what I do. Its a trauma response. And … IT HAS TO STOP!
My personal goal this year was to STOP HIDING, and then the minute a thing happened that made me uncomfortable, I did the exact opposite of my goal… because I hid away, shrinking myself, dimming my light. And it made me ANGRY! With that anger I retreated just a little bit more. Which then made me even more angry which in turn caused me to retreat more - a vicious cycle, hurting myself the same way OVER and OVER!
I have made it very clear over the years that I am NOT a victim of the things that I have experienced in my life, I am a survivor! But you know what? I am tired of being a survivor…
I am ready to LIVE! So here is to the next days, weeks, months, etc… of actually living!
So here are the things about me that I love about me...
1. I am obnoxiously OPTIMISTIC (I can always find the silver lining)
2. I break out in random dance moves
3. I sing in the car, shower, even in the check out line at 7-11
4. I am a great listener
5. I have raised 5 amazing human beings that I hope to be like when I grow up someday
6. I have an incredible mind for creativity
7. I have an insatiable hunger for learning
My grandmother used to say to me, "You are the Light on the Darkest of days", and it has taken me damn near 42 years to realize what that actually means. My take on it? That no matter what I do, what I experience... I can only be authentically me when I shine bright, never dimming the light of my soul.